How to Make New Years Resolutions That Actually Work

Every year people around the globe set their New Years Resolutions. However only 8% people actually achieve their resolutions. Whoa! What is going on here? That is quite some disconnect between what we want to happen and what actually happens.

It all boils down to us deciding we need to do it all RIGHT NOW! Instead of focusing on incremental sustainable changes we go full throttle. You might be asking yourself  “So should I even bother making resolutions?” The answer is ” Absolutely!” We just need to be more intentional about them.

I have five amazing tips to help you set realistic resolutions that you can totally rock out this year.

Set Goals Not REsolutions 

Setting resolutions not only comes with the stigma of all the failed ones from years before but they also tend to be unrealistic. Can you lose sixty pounds? Absolutely! Can you do it in three months? Probably not without gaining it all back by the next year.

When setting goals focus on making SMART goals. What are SMART goals? They are goals that are Specific Measurable Attainable Realistic and Time Bound. Ex: I want to get healthy is not a smart goal. I want to go to the gym and workout at least three times this week is one.

Break them down into steps

It is a really awesome goal to make six figures in your business this upcoming year but the question is how are you going to do that. What will it take to achieve such a goal? What actions do you need to take? What will you need to do each day, week, and month to achieve that?

I tell my clients to set BIG goals but  break those down into bite size pieces. Many times why we give up so easily is we get overwhelmed with the big picture vs just taking time to break it down into manageable chunks. Don’t just focus on the end result instead focus on the steps that it will take to get there. Figure out what you need to do each day/week to move you towards your goals and it will be less overwhelming.

Create habits and routines

This is a BIG one. Focus on sustainable changes. Sustainable changes are habits and routines. Unsustainable changes are quick fixes. Resolutions often fail because instead of focusing on what we can do long term we focus on what will provide us results NOW! It’s like meeting someone for the first time and trying to sell them your product vs fostering a relationship with someone so they will be interested in continuing to invest in your products.

Look at your goals and ask yourself what habits and routines you need to put in place to help you achieve them. Think long term not short term. You don’t want to be back in this place setting these same goals a year from now. Take it one step at a time and one habit at a time. You cannot change all of the things all at once because that leads to complete overwhelm.

Dig deep into why

Why are you even setting these goals in the first place? If you don’t have a real, concrete, deep reason why you will easily give up in a month or six months versus seeing it through. It’s like someone wanting to lose weight to “look good” versus them wanting to lose weight so they don’t end up with diabetes like their grandmother. Big difference in why.

For each goal ask yourself why. Why do I want to achieve this? Keep asking yourself why for each answer until it brings up some real emotion or you can no longer answer. Imagine what your life would be like if you reached that goal. How bad do you really need to reach this goal? What will drive you forward when adversity comes your way because it absolutely will. Your why needs to be strong enough to drive you through the rough patches.

get some accountability

Goals, steps, habits, and routines even your why can keep you going. You will have a greater possibility of reaching your goals. A final step that will help you is to get some accountability. Whether that be a friend, coach, spouses, business partner, group, etc… having someone or several people to keep you accountable is so important. Tell them what your working towards and ask them to help you stay on track.

There will be days that you think about giving up on your goals. Things do come up. Having someone there to kindly remind you what your working towards is invaluable. I personally always have a group of people in my corner that can remind me when days are getting rough. They can give you a hug, a kick in the pants or a friendly reminder when needed. It will make all the difference.

Focus on making sustainable changes so your  “resolutions” don’t become duds. You can make this next year anything you want it to be. It will take some hard work, consistency, and time.  Write your goals down. Break them down into manageable pieces. Work on those habits and routines. Write down your why. Get your tribe behind you. This year is going to be amazing.

Remember YOU ARE ENOUGH!!!

XoXo

Megan

 

 

 

 

Not Everyone Will be Your Best Friend

If there is one thing I have struggled with most of my life it has been friendships. I am one of those people who always wants everyone to be my best friend. Of course not everyone does become my best friend but those that do I’ve always expected to stay that way. The expectations were too high.

I’m always devastated when friendships end or change. My thought process on friendships was always severely flawed. I didn’t start to work on that thought process until several years ago when my counselor pointed it out. She explained I wanted everyone to fit into my “friendship box” but not everyone could or could be expected to.

She said instead  to think about relationships as a target. The bulls eye is  the people you are super close to and can share everything with … the “best friends”. The next ring are people you are close to and enjoy their company but maybe you don’t share everything with. The ring after would be people you enjoy their company in small doses but don’t share anything personal with. So on and so forth until you reach the outer ring which is people you want nothing to do with.

I started to realize that maybe it’s alright not everyone was my best friend but I still struggled with friendships ending or changing. When they did I would start playing the blame game. Maybe I could have done something better or maybe they should have. It just made me so miserable.

A good friend said to me once some people are meant to be in your life for a moment, for a season, or for a lifetime. Not everyone is meant to be around for a lifetime. People will come and go. That doesn’t have to be a bad thing. Every relationship will teach us something different. Instead of mourning the loss of a relationship we need to be thankful for all we received from it.

Not everyone will be our best friend. Heck not everyone will even like us. We can have different layers of friendships. Some people will be the best friends, some people will be the people you enjoy hanging out with on occasion,  and then there will be friends in between. We will just make ourselves miserable trying to get people to fit into our “friendship box”.

Five things I’ve learned about friendships are:

  • Not Every Friendship Will Be The Same
  • Not All Friendships Will Last
  • Not Everyone Will Be Our Best Friends
  • Not Everyone Will Like Us
  • Not a Single Friendship is Perfect

If you are struggling with cultivating  friendships check out my blog post on How to Attract Your Tribe.. Another great resource for friendships is the book Frientimacy. Like any relationship friendships take work.

Remember YOU ARE ENOUGH!!!

XoXo

Megan

How a Deployment Saved My Marriage

Marriage is tough. I’ve been married for six years and it has been a roller coaster ride. My husband being in the military adds a whole other level of crazy. It’s difficult spending your life with another human who is also very unique and in our case very much not available most of the time. Deployments, Underways, long work hours, shift work, duty day…. basically a whole lot of time not being home.

In six years my husband and I have grown so much as individuals but not as much as a couple. Much of the struggles we’ve had came because neither one of us were very open and vulnerable with the other. We would not express how we were feeling for fear that it would hurt the other person. This was a vicious cycle just opening us up for hurt ourselves because we didn’t express what we were feeling.

Six months before the deployment I decided to have a very open and vulnerable conversation with my husband about how I had been feeling in our marriage. When we got married I was a hot mess. I didn’t know who I was and I was a pretty horrible wife.  You can read more on that story HERE. It’s difficult to really connect and build a relationship when you don’t know who you are.

Out of those six months he was only home for four of them. We had limited time to work on us before he deployed. There was little progress. When he left I felt defeated and empty inside. All of these thoughts were bouncing around in my head and I was still feeling very much unhappy.

My husband is one of the nicest men I know. He is a hard worker and would be willing to do anything for anyone. After many horrible relationships I felt guilty for being unhappy when I was married to such an amazing man. After all the personal development I had done I knew it was unhealthy for me not to say something.

The six months of the deployment were rough. There were days I wanted to walk away from this life we had built together. Then there were times I just wanted to be in his arms.  The last  six months gave me a lot of time to think. Our communication was very limited and we went weeks upon weeks without talking.

Little did I know that I would need that time. I needed it to to dig deep on what I wanted out of life and out of our marriage. I also needed it to really understand if I was willing to put in the effort to make this marriage work.  Marriage takes work from both people. I needed to be able to define myself as individual and as a wife.

During this time I made the decision to be completely vulnerable in my marriage. I needed to clear the air and let everything hang out. I was scared. I was scared that he would decide it was to much. That he wouldn’t want to work on it as much as I did. I was scared of opening up so much to the person I was closest to and really letting him in.

I am pretty good at being vulnerable in speeches, workshops, on social media, and on this blog. Those are different  because I am talking to people who really cannot effect my life. Being vulnerable with my husband was different. He is the one person that could turn my life upside down and that scared me a lot.

The more open and vulnerable I became the better I felt. It opened us up for some real conversations that needed to be had. I spoke the truth and didn’t sugar coat it which allowed him to see a side that he couldn’t see before. My vulnerability gave him permission and a safe place to be vulnerable too.

This deployment gave us the chance to miss each other. I mean really miss each other. Not the same way that a couple of months being gone has before but it gave us the ability to feel the emptiness without each other. It wasn’t just the empty side of the bed or his car sitting in front of the house unused. It was not having someone to talk to that understood me at a level no one else does. It was not having someone to hold me close when I was having a bad day. It was not having someone to laugh with or celebrate every victory. It was feeling the piece of my family missing every day.

Over those six months I grew as a person. I learned to cherish my husband. I grew a business. I became vulnerable in my marriage. I made new friends. I learned to forgive. I learned that I want this marriage to last. I want to put in the work and I will continue to show up as me every day. All the work is worth it. There is nothing and no one that is worth walking away from this for.

Always Remember YOU ARE ENOUGH!

XoXo

 

3 Crucial Components to Thriving in Life

We all want to live the life of our dreams and be happy all the time right?  I know your hoping I will tell you how to do that. I will… kind of. I am going to share with you three crucial components to creating the life you want to live right now. Not when you have a million dollars, a yacht, and a mansion but this year. No I am not going to help you get those things btw. ‘

Having done the work myself where I am happy and love my life at least 95% of the time I know what it takes. I don’t think any one loves their life and is happy 100% of the time except maybe Ghandi… maybe Ghandi does. There are three pieces in life that cannot be over looked and will help you build a solid foundation on which to create the life you want to live. Exciting right? I am excited because this is what I do for a living. I love helping moms, military spouses, female entrepreneurs and business owners thrive.

Authenticity

Authenticity has become a buzz word as of late. What it really means is being 100% who you are every day. Now there may be situations that you have to filter yourself. I cannot be dropping the F bomb in front of my husbands Captain. Filtering does not mean you aren’t yourself it just means you may not say/do certain things because of the environment, you are still being true to you.

In order for us to thrive we must figure out what is authentic to us. All the other components in this blog won’t work if you don’t know who you are, what you like, what you dislike, and what totally lights you up inside. We will only stick to things that are true to us. The rest will eventually fall away.

Need more guidance on how to find yourself you can check out my blog post: I Once Was Lost.

Self Care

What does self care mean? it means taking care of yourself mentally, physically, and emotionally. You can’t pour from an empty cup and if you aren’t taking care of yourself your life will become a hot mess. When you feel like crap you treat other people like crap and that’s just a whole lot of crap that we don’t want or need.

Self Care doesn’t just mean being active and eating healthy it also means knowing when to give yourself a break or spend time with your friends. It means choosing to go to bed early when you feel tired. But it can also mean going out on a date with your significant other because you need that time together. Self Care means taking time to  fill your bucket and that’s super important. Without it the other two components just don’t work.

Need more guidance on Self Care? Check out my blog posts: The 5 Pillars of HealthHow to Say No Without Guilt and My Morning Mindset Routine.

Relationships

I don’t just mean your romantic relationships. I mean ALL of your relationships. Your relationships with your family, friends, co workers, etc… EVERY relationship in your life plays into how happy, healthy, and thriving you will be. What does your community of people look like? Are they positive and uplifting for the most part? Or are they negative and tearing you down?

We are a magnet for the people in our lives. If we are attracting the WRONG people there is a reason why. Either we are feeding the negativity and drama by participating in it, we aren’t being authentic to who we are, or we aren’t setting boundaries with other people. They say you are the average of the five people you spend the most time with. Outside your immediate family, ask yourself what do the five people you spend the most time with say about who you are.

Need more guidance on how to find your community check out my blog post: How to Attract Your Tribe. You  might want to also check out the one on Fearing Judgement.

These three components are crucial for us to live the life we want to live. They are the foundation for that life. Which component are you struggling the most with? Comment on this post and let me know. If you would like help creating the life you want to live schedule a call with me HERE.

Remember YOU ARE ENOUGH!!!!

XoXo

Megan

How Not to Lose Your Mind This Holiday Season

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The holiday season is upon us. It came so quickly. This is the time of year everyone gets off track. There is so much going on and so much to do that we slowly lose our minds. Just a little bit at a time. This then causes us to set some ridiculous resolution come the New Year because we are just so burnt out from the holidays.

It’s time for a preemptive strike so we can prevent getting burnt out this holiday season. No one wants to wake up January 1st exhausted, five pounds heavier, and feeling like dog poo. Instead let’s wake up feeling amazing and ready to take on a new year. That starts TODAY. Are you ready?

Learn The Word NO

The number one reason we get burnt out is we  say YES to everything. Every Holiday Party invite, every thing our kids want to attend, and going to multiple families houses, it’s exhausting. Time to start saying no to some things.

  1. Set hard, fast rules for how many things you will attend in the week. For me it’s two week day evening meet ups and only one weekend day of doing anything.
  2. Take turns going places on the holidays. This year we go to my families next year we go to yours.
  3. Don’t come up with excuses why just say no. If someone asks just say I can’t make it sorry. We don’t have to explain ourselves.
  4. When having to choose between invitations pick the one that you will feel most comfortable at and will enjoy yourself more.

Start saying no now and save your energy. You can’t be everywhere at once. Make your down time an appointment with yourself.

Self Care DAILY

The holidays are a hectic time. This is not the time to slack on self care. You need to be on your A game to make it through the holidays without burn out. That means taking time EVERY day for self care. This doesn’t need to be extreme. You don’t need to go take up weight lifting all of the sudden.

  1. Your day starts the night before. Make it your goal to get 7-9 quality hours of sleep at least 5 nights each week.
  2. Eat whole foods at least 80% of the time. You know your going to that holiday party on Saturday so eat good the rest of the week.
  3. Minimize the boozing. As much as it’s fun and I have been known to imbibe a little to much. it’s going to end badly. When we are getting drunk several nights a week our bodies are going to suffer.
  4. Hydrate, Hydrate, Hydrate. This needs to be done especially if your imbibing some. It is recommended you drink at least 1/2 your body weight in oz of water per day.
  5. Give yourself at least one rest day every week. This means you do not have to do anything outside of your home and what you do inside your home is minimal.

You can’t pour from an empty cup. If you don’t take care of yourself first you will not be able to take care of those you love later.

Focus on The Good

The holiday season seems to bring out the worst in people. I believe it should really be a happy time but it’s not that way for everyone. We get so overwhelmed with all the things and the money being spent. For some people it also brings up some sad memories of holidays of the past or missing people who are no longer around.

How can you focus on the good?

  1. Filter who you are spending your time with. If someone seems to be a particular soul suck this season it’s best to avoid them until it’s over. Surround yourself with people who are spreading cheer.
  2. Unfollow the negativity on social media. If people are really bringing you down with their social media posts unfollow them at least until they are out of their funk.
  3. Remind yourself of the positive parts of the holiday season. Do you get to spend some time with your family? Are you getting a new kitten? (I am!)  Do you get to enjoy yummy food and drinks with friends?
  4. Watch some feel good holiday movies and listen to some music to get you in the festive spirit.
  5. Have some fun! You will see more of the good when you are enjoying yourself

Remember you have control over how you want to see life and experience the holidays. Feed your mind with positive things, surround yourself with positive people, and cultivate positive experiences.

Don’t let the holidays lead to burn out. Enjoy them, take care of yourself, and put on your party pants. It’s time to have some fun and get ready for another amazing year.

How are you going to make the holidays great? Leave a comment and let me know. Remember  YOU ARE ENOUGH!

XoXo

Megan