Who’s In Control Here


Who’s in control of your life? The answer is simple it’s you. Many times when I say this people look at me cross eyed and laugh a bit. I am 100% serious! If you want to know who controls your life look in the mirror. It’s not your mom, friend, spouse, kids, boss, etc…. it’s you.

That also means we are not in control of other people’s lives. We can provide guidance and advice but we cannot force others to listen. I’m a mom of four unique children and there is not a moment that I can MAKE them do something. They have to choose to do it.  That is the same for us as individuals, we have to choose.

This week my oldest daughter who is thirteen said to me “You created me this way.” I explained to her that I provided her the cells but she can choose how they play out. It’s like when people say obesity is in my genes. Maybe so but we can choose to eat healthy and exercise  to combat those very genetics. We always have a choice.

The question is whether you want to make the choice. Sometimes we decide not to make a choice. It might seem too hard, too daunting, too impossible, or too scary. Then we might claim we have no control over our circumstances but in reality we chose not to have control.

Maybe right now you are feeling quite overwhelmed not knowing where to even begin. Here are a few quick tips on how to take back control of your life:

  1. Discover the areas in your life that are holding you back from living the life you want to live. Write them down.
  2. What needs to happen in order for these things to no longer be a problem? Like an equation what needs to be added or subtracted to get the solution.
  3. What steps can you personally take? Remember you can only control you, your actions, and you reactions.  Break it down.
  4. Create a plan. You already have the steps now create a plan When you are you going to take which step? Everything can’t happen overnight.
  5.  Take the first step, then the next, so on and so forth. Be patient because everything take time. Stay on the path and you will see results.

Who’s in control here? You are. You write your own story. It doesn’t matter your age, gender, race or religion. People of all walks of life have chosen to make a change and seen it through. Don’t allow others to dictate how your story is going to go.

It might be scary, it might take some hard work, and it’s definitely going to take time but if you want to make a change you can. Taking control of your life starts today. No more sitting by using reasons, excuses, or sad stories to validate why other people are controlling your life.

July 2010 I left a toxic, abusive relationship with nothing to my name. I had no car, no job, no license, and two young children to care for. It was scary, very scary. I didn’t know where I would live or how I would survive but I knew I needed to make a change. I took back control of my life and so can you. It starts today, just take the first step.

Remember YOU ARE ENOUGH!!!!



PS If you need some help taking back the control of your life and breaking down what you need to do to be in control check out my Better Together Group Program

Trust Your Gut… Authenticity at It’s Finest

Authenticity has become a buzzword lately. It’s quite unfortunate because it’s such a powerful word when used right.  Authenticity boiled down to it’s very core is being who you truly are. That doesn’t mean trying to “fit in” or being someone we think we need to be but being who we are instead. I love the quote above from my  favorite Authenticity Author Brene Brown. Her books are amazing and are all on our Book List.

Ever heard the phrase “You have to trust your gut”? Trusting your gut is asking yourself “Does this feel right to me”. Trusting your gut is really tuning into what is authentic to you, what feels right. There’s one thing for sure my gut has never steered me wrong it’s only when I haven’t trusted it that I got it trouble.

Maybe your wondering how can I even get in tune with what my gut is telling me. Here are five simple steps to help you tune in :

1. Find A Quiet Place To Reflect. This can mean a quick restroom trip if there’s no other option. No one is going to question your need to pee.

2.  How Does This Make Me Feel?  Feel those feelings… Are you scared? Are you angry? Are you nervous? Etc…

 3. Why Am I Feeling This Way?  What about the situation or person makes you feel those feelings? Sometimes it’s something blatantly obvious and sometimes it’s a feeling you have. Trust your intuition.

4. What Actions Do I Need To Take?  Remove your emotions from the situation. Come from a place of love. Create an action plan that aligns with who you are as a person. Don’t react from a place of emotions.

5. Deep Breath. Take a deep breath. Gather yourself. Do what needs to be done and stay in tune with how you are feeling.  You are your greatest compass.

That Intuition or “Gut Check” is a wonderful tool we were all provided. The best way to be in tune with that is to be in tune with who you are. Who are you? Need help finding out check out my blog post I Once Was Lost.

Whether you think this a little woo woo or not you can’t deny the fact that sometimes we just know things. Follow these steps anytime you are starting to get that intuitive tingle and need to really tune. in. Remember you know you better than anyone else.



What Relationships Are Not

Relationships can be a struggle. It doesn’t matter what kind of relationships they are whether they are marriages, friendships, parenting, etc… The line between healthy relationships and unhealthy relationships can become a blur. When does something cross the line?

Often times it’s not an overnight thing. Like the first time you go on a date with your boyfriend he slaps you or the moment you met your friend they took full on advantage of your generosity. It’s often a gradual progression from an ok relationship to how the hell did I get here.

On this blog post I am not going to focus on what a relationship is but instead focus on what it is not. The signs and symptoms that might mean you need to get out or at the very least get some help. If someone cannot admit there is a problem or they refuse to work on things together that’s a huge red flag that things are quite what they should be.

Five things that relationships are not:

  • Abusive: That means physically, sexually, verbally, or emotionally. Abuse is abuse. Abuse can be defined as “to treat a person with cruelty or violence, especially regularly or repeatedly.”
  • Consistently Stressful: This does not mean you will not experience stress in your relationships but stress should not be a constant
  • Draining: Relationships should have a give and take. You help fill them up. They help fill you up. They should not be only draining you bucket without filling it up.
  • Unsupportive: This does not mean everyone is your life with support every hair brained scheme you come up with. This does mean they should generally support you in your life versus tearing you down.
  • Deceitful: A relationship full of lies is no relationship at all.

It takes 5 positive experience to negate every negative experience in your life. Look at your relationships are the positives outweighing the negatives? There will be ebbs and flows where things will be harder as we all overcome adversity but ask if the average positive.

Relationships do take work. One person cannot be the one always putting in the work. It takes both people to put in a solid effort. I mean really put in an effort not just saying they will and never following through.

I hope by taking a look at what relationships are not you can identify what to do with your relationships in your life. They can fall into one of these three categories: Keepers, Need Some Work, or This Needs to End NOW. Ask yourself which relationships fall in which category. Your mental, physical, and emotional health is important.

If you would like to read more about relationships you can view my blog posts: Not Everyone Will Be Your Best FriendHow a Deployment Saved My Marriage, and How to Attract Your Tribe.

Remember YOU ARE ENOUGH!!!



Organic, Gluten Free, All Natural Do NOT Equal Healthy

A key piece to Self Care is nutrition. What are you putting in your body? Food can be our medicine, Food can help our bodies function properly, and food can be REALLY yummy. It’s a common misconception that healthy food is not yummy. Trust me when I say it is totally not true.

We can get so confused and blinded by all the buzzwords going around now. Everything from Organic, Gluten Free, All Natural, GMO Free, Vegan, Heart Healthy,Paleo,  etc… The problem is they still make junk food that can be all of those things. I’ve seen organic and gluten free Toaster Pastries. Let’s face it food companies want to increase their bottom line so they are going to use certain words and phrases to get you to purchase from them.

Good News! The Five Tips below will help you make healthier decisions when shopping for your body’s fuel.

  1. Read the labels. If you can’t pronounce it or don’t know what it is then it probably does not belong in your body.
  2. Avoid Artificial.  Real food is so much better for you. Stay away from artificial colors, sugars,  flavors, etc….
  3. Be Weary of Free.  Fat Free, Sugar Free, Gluten Free, etc… often means chemicals are used in place of the missing ingredient.
  4. Less is More. The fewer ingredients the better. Food that is one ingredient like Apples, Carrots, Eggs, Etc… are often the best to stick with.  Try staying to less than five ingredients when shopping for food with a label.
  5. Minimize Added Ingredients.  Many foods have added sugar or salt when it’s really unnecessary. Why would dried fruit need more sugar? Try keeping the added sugar below 6gs per serving and try to keep the sodium below 110 mgs per serving.

Remember what goes into your body helps create the cells in your body. Would you rather have cells made up of Apples or Twinkies?  Try sticking to real, whole foods majority of the time. When it comes to unhealthier options moderation is the key.

The best diet is one you will stick to so find a nutrition habit that fits you and your lifestyle. Don’t be too hard on yourself. Continue to learn so you can make the best decisions for your health.

Remember YOU ARE ENOUGH!!!



Want more information on clean eating?

Check out The Food Babe Way and 100 Days of Real Food.