Growing up I was a HUGE people pleaser. I just wanted everyone to love and accept me. Out of fear I would I would often pretend to be something I wasn’t. I yearned to just belong and little did I know I was just making myself more of an outcast. It’s really easy to be the outcast when people know your fake.
On multiple occasions this need to fit in got me in a lot of trouble. That came to a head when I got into college. When I was in college I was introduced to the bar scene. Suddenly I had all these “friends”. People LOVED drunk Megan, the drunker the better. Pretty soon my school work and my daughter were coming second to my social life. It took me a years to realize that those people weren’t really my friends.
A few years ago after being the victim of some fellow military wives rumors and drama I realized something had to change. Why was I trying so hard to fit in with women who were just going to talk behind my back? What could I really lose by just being me? It couldn’t be any worse then what I was already going through.
By that time I had been a people pleaser for so long I didn’t even know who I was. I had completely lost myself during an abusive relationship. So much so that when I married my husband I only saw myself as a wife and a mom not a woman. I had completely lost who I was deep inside without all the labels.
How did I become brave enough to just be me?
- I Took Time For Myself. Before I would put everyone else first and myself last. That finally left me exhausted, burn out, and planning to end my life. When I started taking care of myself I became more in tune with who I really am.
- I Asked Myself “Who Am I Really?”. I dug deep on what I liked, what I didn’t like, and who I was once I stripped away all my “labels” like Mom and Wife. Who was I deep inside?
- I Trusted My Gut. I was mindful if something felt right or didn’t feel right. This could be certain people or situations. My gut has never steered me wrong.
- I Let Go Of The Fear Around What People Would Think. What if I offend someone? What if they don’t like me? If that happens it will not change my life at all. Other people do not control my life, I do.
- I Made It A Point To Love Myself. That meant talking to myself in a positive manner. I started writing what I am grateful for daily. I make it a point to remind myself of all my positive qualities. I started treating myself like I was someone I loved.
There are still times I struggle to be me. I still worry on occasion what others will think and if they will accept me. I have learned that the greatest connections are formed when I am myself. That I cannot have positive relationships if I am pretending to be someone I’m not. My people will accept me for me and I am my happiest when I am myself .
Being inauthentic effects all of our lives from our relationships to our business. People can sense when we are being inauthentic, they won’t trust us when we are. It’s impossible to create sustainable bonds because something will always feel off. We can’t show up fully when we aren’t ourselves.
Remember You Are Enough!