How I Became Brave Enough To Be Myself

Growing up I was a HUGE people pleaser. I just wanted everyone to love and accept me. Out of fear I would I would often pretend to be something I wasn’t. I yearned to just belong and little did I know I was just making myself more of an outcast. It’s really easy to be the outcast when people know your fake.

On multiple occasions this need to fit in got me in a lot of trouble. That came to a head when I got into college. When I was in college I was introduced to the bar scene. Suddenly I had all these “friends”.  People LOVED drunk Megan, the drunker the better. Pretty soon my school work and my daughter were coming second to my social life. It took me a years to realize that those people weren’t really my friends.

A few years ago after being the victim of some fellow military wives rumors and drama I realized something had to change. Why was I trying so hard to fit in with women who were just going to talk behind my back? What could I really lose by just being me? It couldn’t be any worse then what I was already going through.

By that time I had been a people pleaser for so long I didn’t even know who I was. I had completely lost myself during an abusive relationship. So much so that when I married my husband I only saw myself as a wife and a mom not a woman. I had completely lost who I was deep inside without all the labels.

How did I become brave enough to just be me?

  • I Took Time For Myself.  Before I would put everyone else first and myself last. That finally left me exhausted, burn out, and planning to end my life. When I started taking care of myself I became more in tune with who I really am.
  • I Asked Myself “Who Am I Really?”.  I dug deep on what I liked, what I didn’t like, and who I was once I stripped away all my “labels” like Mom and Wife. Who was I deep inside?
  • I Trusted My Gut. I was mindful if something felt right or didn’t feel right. This could be certain people or situations. My gut has never steered me wrong.
  • I Let Go Of The Fear Around What People Would Think. What if I offend someone? What if they don’t like me? If that happens it will not change my life at all. Other people do not control my life, I do.
  • I Made It A Point To Love Myself. That meant talking to myself in a positive manner. I started writing what I am grateful for daily. I make it a point to remind myself of all my positive qualities. I started treating myself like I was someone I loved.

There are still times I struggle to be me. I still worry on occasion what others will think and if they will accept me. I have learned that the greatest connections are formed when I am myself. That I cannot have positive relationships if I am pretending to be someone I’m not. My people will accept me for me and I am my happiest when I am myself .

Being inauthentic effects all of our lives from our relationships to our business. People can sense when we are being inauthentic, they won’t trust us when we are.  It’s impossible to create sustainable bonds because something will always feel off.  We can’t show up fully when we aren’t ourselves.

Need more help when it comes to just being you? Check out these blog posts: Trust Your Gut, How To Attract Your Tribe, &  I Once Was Lost.

Remember You Are Enough!

XoXo

Megan

 

The Best Relationship You Can Have

 

There’s only one relationship that effects how all your other relationships will go. That relationship is your relationship with yourself.  When we are constantly putting ourselves last and putting ourselves down it significantly impacts our other relationships. If we aren’t taking care of ourselves and talking negatively to ourselves we can’t show up as the best version of ourselves. That means our friends, family, clients, business associates get the watered down version.

When we talk down to ourselves and we don’t take care of ourselves we are subconsciously giving others permission to do the same to us. That’s why it hurts so much when someone says something not so awesome about us because at one point in time we’ve said the same thing to ourselves. It’s like they are validating that we were really right. A poor relationship with ourselves puts out the wrong signals. Instead of attracting amazing, positive supportive people we start attracting some not so amazing ones.

What can you do about it? First off take ownership of your life. You can only control your actions, reactions, thoughts, and words, You cannot control anyone else’s. Take ownership of what you’ve done and what you need to do.

Try the following steps to help improve your relationship with yourself:

1) Practice Consistent Self Care. This doesn’t have to be long and strenuous focus on doing something daily that give you energy.

2) Reframe Your Negative Self Talk.  State your self talk in the positive and look for evidence that the positive self talk is true.

3) Tune Into How YOU Are Feeling. Instead of stuffing away all your feelings and putting on a “brave face” start tuning into what you are feeling and why you are feeling it.

You are the most important person in your life. You argue “No my kids are.” or ” No my spouse is.” or “No my clients are”. No, you are because you cannot give them the best version of you if you are always putting yourself last. Self Care is not selfish it’s necessary.

Start treating yourself the way you would someone you love. How would you talk to them? How would you treat them? What advice would you give them? Do those things for yourself as well. You are the one person you will have to live with for your entire life.

If you need help making that time for yourself sign up for your free guide below. Remember YOU ARE ENOUGH!

XoXo

Megan

 

 

It’s About The Whole YOU Not Just One Piece

The biggest thing standing in the way of Busy Women creating a successful Self Care routine is focusing on just one piece.  I hear “I know about Self Care. I work out and eat right.” The problem is that’s only one small piece of the puzzle. It’s really about taking care of all of you: physically, mentally, and emotionally.

I was a Beachbody coach for several years and I would constantly see my clients lose weight then gain it back again. Like a yo-yo, their weight was up and down, up and down. Where was the disconnect? They only focused on one piece of the puzzle. They were working out and eating right but the rest of their Self Care was a hot mess.

Think of yourself as a vessel. Things either give you energy, take away energy or do a bit of both. Self Care means  doing things that are going to give you energy either immediately like a nice massage or in the future like exercise. Exercise takes energy to do it but the health benefits will give you energy later.

Implementing a Self Care routine can be A LOT to handle all at once and we often give up because the big picture is so overwhelming. We cannot implement everything immediately. In order to be successful in creating a sustainable habit we need to take it one step at a time.

Here are a few tips that can help:

1) Start Small. Don’t go from 0 minutes of Self Care to 2 Hours. Start small like 15 minutes a day and increase it over time.

2) Find What Works Best For You.  Don’t just do things because it works for your sister, your mom, or your best friend. Find what fills you up and go with that.

3) Kick The Guilt.  Switch your “I feel guilty for taking time for myself” mentality to ” By making time for myself I have more to give to those around me”

4) Listen to Your Body. Some days this might mean you have energy to spare and can go, go, go. Other days this might mean your body needs some rest and you need to slow down.

4) Consistency Is KEY! This needs to be a daily practice. If you are only doing it sporadically then it’s impossible to form a habit and stick with it.

Remember you can’t pour from an empty cup. If you don’t first take care of you, you can’t take care of anyone else. Lack of Self Care can lead to stress, burn out, overwhelm, and even health problems.  This can not only effect your life but your business as well.

Still feeling guilty about taking time for you? Check out Self Care Is Not Selfish for more tips on Self Care. Don’t forget to sign up below to get your free Prioritize You guide and video.

XoXo

Megan

It’s A Bad Day Not A Bad Week

Ever have something bad happen and then your whole week is ruined? I definitely have. Something that maybe took up 5% of our week ruins the other 95%. That doesn’t make any sense. It’s OK to have a bad day or a series of bad days (a bad week) but marinating in it and allowing those days to bleed over into following days is such a poor use of our time and energy.

How can we possibly prevent bad moments from becoming bad days then becoming bad months? By taking back control over our thoughts, actions, words, and reactions. We can’t control what happens to us but we can control how we react. Bad moments can bleed over into the rest of the day and week even the month and year when we allow it to take control.

What can we do to prevent ourselves from marinating in our bad days?

1. Embrace Our Feelings. Instead of pushing down or packing away our sadness, anger, and frustration we need to feel our feels. Acting like that bad moment happened doesn’t do us any good.

2. Ask Ourselves “What Can I Do About This?”.  The answer might be nothing or there might be something. If there is nothing we can do then we are responsible for our reactions and need take ownership of our feelings. If there is something we can do about it we need to take the steps to get that done.

3. Look For The Lesson.  What can we learn from this situation? What can we do to prevent it from happening again? There is always a lesson.

4. Find Evidence Of The Opposite. Our brains are trained to find evidence that we are right. So if we are thinking this is a bad day/week/month/year then our brains will look for evidence that is true. We have to consciously look for evidence that good things have happened.

5. Start New Tomorrow. Don’t wait for next week, next month, or next year but start with a clean slate tomorrow. What happened today no longer exists tomorrow. It happened today. Tomorrow is a new day with no mistakes in it.

We all have things that happen in our lives that are not so fantastic. We will experience adversity or even a bit of bad luck on occasion. Remember our brains will look for evidence that we are right.  If we are focusing on the negative it will find more negativity to back up our claim.

Being mindful of what we are thinking, feeling, doing, and saying will prevent us from marinating is adversity. We have to take responsibility for ourselves. It’s an absolute shame when intelligent, capable women get stuck in adversity. It’s not easy to overcome but it’s well worth it.

Remember YOU ARE ENOUGH!

XoXo

Megan

 

5 Ways to Cultivate Positive Relationships

As adults we really struggle with relationships, Much of this is due to our lack of forced interaction with others. Think about it when we were in school every day we were “forced” to interact with the other kids around us. Now the only place we have to interact with others is during work. Depending on the industry we work in that interaction might be very limited and never face to face.

Once we have formed some relationships  as adults they might not be very positive. I know I have struggled previously with cultivating positive relationships. Relationships are two imperfect people trying to have some type of interaction together. That could mean romantic, friendship, working… any type of relationship. It can be hard interacting with other imperfect humans.

Here are  five ways you can use to form more positive relationships in your life:

1) BE YOU! It might seem so simple but it’s often the most overlooked and underutilized way. When we pretend to be something we aren’t people sense that and it’s nearly impossible to create a positive connection that way.

2) Open And Honest Communication. It’s shocking how often people lie to each other yet expect for their relationships to be positive. Positive relationships cannot thrive on lies. Lies always get found out eventually then trust is broken.

3) Be Present.  Giving other people our time and attention is crucial to creating positive relationships. That means meeting face to face and putting down your phone. It’s impossible for people to feel truly connected virtually or while we are consumed with our electronics.

4) Practice Kindness and Compassion. Every single person on this earth is unique. Which means we will have differences with everyone. Sometimes we will disagree. We cannot truly have a positive relationship if we cannot be kind and compassionate.

5) Learn to say I’m Sorry. Despite all of the above we are still human. Sometimes we make mistakes. Sometimes we hurt the feelings of others. Just say “I’m Sorry.” that does not mean you are saying you’re wrong and they are right. It means you are saying I apologize that I made you feel that way.

Relationships take work and effort. They cannot grow and flourish without some help from us. Remember it’s a two way street. You can only control your thought, actions, and feelings not those of the other person.

If you would like to learn more about relationships you can check out these other blog posts: What Relationships Are NotNot Everyone Will Be Your Best Friend5 Things Being a Military Spouse Taught Me About Relationships and How To Attract Your Tribe.

Remember YOU ARE ENOUGH!

XoXo