Most of my life I have struggled with depression. As far back as I remember I would regularly experience a deep sadness and not come out for a long time. Growing up on the outside I looked like a normal child but on the inside I felt nothing but a deep despair.
I can remember not being around people, not because I was introverted but because it was exhausting to put on a happy face when inside I just wanted to cry. I would often hide out somewhere and read a book because in those books I could lose myself. Feeling empty inside was an almost daily struggle.
I don’t want to say that I was always depressed. Depression definitely came and went but when it came it stayed awhile. “Hello depression my old friend”. Depression drove me to thoughts of suicide on multiple occasions. It even caused me to go on depression medication in college which was not good for me. As it turns out I don’t react well will depression medication it actually makes me worse instead of better.
Now it’s hard for people to believe I ever struggled with depression because I am so happy and bubbly all the time. Truth is I still struggle . I have to work really hard not to be sucked down into the black hole of depression. It’s particularly tough on dark days where the sun hides all day. I need my sunshine!
How did I go from suicidal tendencies to positive care bear?
There are a few things that have helped:
- I got help. That means I started working with a counselor. I don’t sugar coat life and I let it all out even the dark stuff.
- I worked on me. Personal development is my best friend. I am constantly learning and growing.
- I leaned on others. When I am starting to feel that black hole sucking me down I verbalize it. It doesn’t have as much power when I talk about what I am feeling.
- I took care of the other parts as me. I focus on total body health, mentally, physically, and emotionally.
- I thought happy thoughts. In reality I avoid things/situations/people that trigger me if I am not feeling 100%. That especially means alcohol because it’s a depressant.
On many occasions people have said to “just shake it off” or “just get over it” . Unfortunately depression doesn’t work that way. The good news is by being aware and taking care of myself means I can live a life that’s not plagued by depression. That doesn’t mean every day will be wonderful, that means more often than not it is.
Remember YOU ARE ENOUGH!