We Can Only Change Ourselves

We Cannot Change Other People We can Only Change Ourselves, Megan Hall, The Inspired Women Podcast

Recently I had a group of people say they were going to “pray for me”. This was because I disagreed with them and they thought I should change my mind. My thought was “That’s not how that works.” We cannot change other people, we can only change ourselves. Every human being was gifted with free will and because of that other people cannot be changed.

That might be disheartening to read. Is there no hope? I am not saying that. People can on their own decide to change but we cannot make it happen either by prayer, words or force. They must make that decision on their own. Instead we each have to work on ourselves and through that may even influence their change. If something someone has said or done has caused us pain, hurt, or discomfort we need to ask ourselves why and heal.

I always tell my clients that we can only control our actions, our reactions, our thoughts, our words, and our feelings. Unfortunately there are many things out of our control like the weather, other people, or deployments (military spouse here). So if something is out of our control we must change our mindset around it not expect it to change for us. We can continue to allow that thing or person to bother and eat away at us or we can heal and move on. If we don’t we are only hurting ourselves in the process.

How can we change ourselves:

1) Identify what’s not serving you anymore. Whether this is thoughts, actions, words, relationships or situations. 

2) Ask yourself what can you do personally to change these things. Remember you can change your mindset or take an action personally. 

3) Identify why these things are not serving you anymore and how they got to this place. 

4) Ask what you need to do to avoid getting in similar situations in the future. 

5) Take your first step towards change. Start small and take it one step at a time. 

In order to make a change we must take ownership of our part of a situation. By placing the blame solely on other things or people we are doing ourselves a disservice. It’s like wanting to lose weight but blaming your weight gain on the company that makes your favorite, not so good for you, snack . Yes they made it but you ate it.  We have to take ownership in our part of our story.

Until we take ownership of our part in our lives it’s nearly impossible to change. When we place the blame solely on others and think we can change them we only do harm to ourselves .Instead of healing we marinate in the situation. Then it’s no longer the person or thing causing us pain, hurt or discomfort it’s ourselves.

Many times people think that they can force change by praying for it or posting on social media about it or continuing to speak to others about it. That won’t force change because we can’t control other people or even some situations. Then we aren’t being proactive in our actions to change ourselves either through growth or healing. This will only allow things to fester and compound making  what happened worse not better.

For the rest of my life I could marinate in the fact that I was verbally abused by my father as a teenager. I could pray that he would change and apologize for his behavior. Maybe I could post on social media condemning his behavior. I could speak to other people about how horrible he is. If I did that twenty years from now I would still be hurting. Instead I chose to heal, forgive, and move on. I’ve put him at arms length and don’t allow him to opportunity to inflict that kind pain onto me anymore.

Don’t allow other people or things to change your life. Only you should have that control. We cannot change other people, we can only change ourselves. Remember as always YOU ARE ENOUGH!!!

XoXo

Megan Hall

Set Some Standards

Set Some Standards, Megan Hall, The Inspired Women Podcast

Whether you call it your moral compass or your guiding principles deciding to set some standards in your life is important. Not setting standards allows us to get caught up in some really not so awesome things. Like the time I was arrested for saying my car was stolen when it wasn’t. I still have a nice misdemeanor following me around from that one.

Setting standards for your personal and professional life is saying these are my expectations for myself and the world. Could our standards be too high? According to some people yes. I personally feel if we are able to live up to them and they aren’t impacting our lives in a negative manner then no. Everyone has to have standards.

How to set some standards

1) Identify what’s most important to you in different aspect of your life. Just keep in mind life is not perfect so expecting it to be might cause a lot of pain and heartache. 

2) Ask yourself what is lowest your standards will go. Like when you were dating would you be ok with someone who didn’t look like Ryan Gosling as long as they had a good heart?

3) Live up to your own standards. You cannot expect someone else to do something you aren’t willing to do yourself. 

4) Reevaluate regularly. When an area of your life isn’t going as planned you might have to reevaluate your standards. 

5) Remember it’s ok to have different standards than other people. That doesn’t make you any better or worse than them, just different. 

Life is messy. There were times when my standards were quite low and there were times when they have been too high. My standards for dating college were high in some aspects but way too low in other aspects. I was focusing on the wrong things at that time. After being married to my husband my dating standards would probably be really high. lol

This isn’t a perfect system. Know that it’s ok to pivot or change. Over time we see aspects of life we didn’t before. That awareness might make us increase or decrease our standards. Just because you have certain standards doesn’t mean those around you will as well. Don’t let that influence you to change. Your standards are YOURS not anyone else’s. Just keep checking in with yourself and allow those standards to guide you in life.

Remember as always YOU ARE ENOUGH!!!!

XoXo

Megan Hall

PS Don’t forget to join us in The Inspired Women Community.

 

What I Learned From Co Authoring A Book

What I learned co authoring a book, Megan Hall, The Inspired Women Podcast

I love books! I read several every month. Ever since I was a child I had an affinity for them. Publishing a book has been my dream for several years. When I was presented with the opportunity to co author a book I thought it was the perfect way to learn about the book writing process before publishing  one of my own.

It wasn’t until the week the book launched that things  started to go wrong. I  hadn’t seen or approved of any copy of the book but I promoted it anyways. Really I hadn’t seen anything  except for the copy of my chapter that I submitted originally. Two days after the book launched the copy of the book I ordered  arrived while I was away at a conference. As soon I returned home  I excitedly opened the package that contained “my book”.

When I opened the book and started reading I saw several grammatical errors on the pages I read. These were things that should have been fixed by a professional editor. I don’t deny that in my original copy there were a few grammatical errors but those could have been caught easily by an editor. However while comparing what I submitted to what was in the book I realized some of the edits made to my chapter actually made more grammatical errors. They hadn’t fixed some of the ones that were present in my original submission.

As  a professional I hold my work to a certain standard. I don’t aim for perfection but aim to provide a certain quality. Personally I feel a published book should have little to no grammatical errors in it. This book had not met that standard and I started to ask myself where everything went wrong. What could I have done differently?

I realized I had to make some major decisions regarding the book and how I would utilize this experience. I decided I would use it as a learning lesson.  By sharing the lessons I learned with others  I hope to help them avoid any of these problems in their future.

This is what i learned

1) ALWAYS have a signed, legal contract that CLEARLY STATES the terms of your agreement.  

2) Make sure you are able to not only see but approve of the final draft before the book goes to print. 

3) Do NOT promote something you have not seen. 

4) Get to know your fellow co authors before committing. 

5) If at any point in time in the process you get the feeling like this isn’t for you trust that. 

Don’t let this dissuade you from co authoring a book. There are many amazing things that can come out of such an experience.  Co authoring a book is a great way to split up the cost of self publishing. It will also provide a bit of diversity in your book. If you utilize these tips when co authoring a book you should be able to avoid  any misunderstandings or miscommunication.

Remember  YOU ARE ENOUGH!!!

XoXo

Megan Hall

PS.. Want to get support on your life’s journey? Join us in the most positive, supportive, inclusive community on Facebook The Inspired Women Community.

 

 

 

Variety Is The Spice Of Life

Variety is the spice of life, The Inspired Women Podcast, Megan Hall

One thing that adult women seem to struggle the most with is cultivating healthy friendships. When we become adults we lose our regular interactions with other people. As children we would have interactions with other children at school on a regular basis. Our friendships developed almost effortlessly out of that.

When I interviewed Shasta Nelson for The Inspired Women Podcast she shared many amazing tips on how to develop healthy friendships. One of the biggest thing that stuck out to me in that conversation and by reading her books is the importance of having a variety of friends. We need all levels of friendships not just best friends but acquaintances too.  According to Shasta there are five levels of friendship and they are all important in our lives. You can read more about that HERE.

What I Mean By A Variety of friends

1) Having friends that are similar to different aspects of your life. For me this would mean military spouse friends, mom friends, and entrepreneur friends.

2) Having friends who are also different. For me this would mean I might have a friend who is an entrepreneur but not a mom and/or military spouse or some other form. 

3) Having close friends and having some not so close friend. Those five levels of friendship are very important. We will only have 3-7 “best friends”. 

4) Accepting not all friends are forever friends and being ok with it. Friends are there for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. 

5) Continuing to make new friends as you go. We need to continue to add to our friendship circle. Some people will fall off and some people will come on. 

Friendship takes effort from both parties. It would be so much easier if we could just show up some place and ta da we have a new friend. Unfortunately it’s not that easy, it takes time, it takes effort, and it takes a certain level of vulnerability from both parties.

Why is important to have a variety of friends? Besides obviously allowing you to see other perspectives beside your own. Some days you might just want that person you can talk to that can understand your unique circumstances. Other days one friend might be going through something and you don’t want to bother them with your woes. Different friends fulfill different roles in our lives but they are
imperfect humans too. There will be times they aren’t available either emotionally or physically and that ok!

If you want to learn more on the topic of friendship you can read Women Need Healthy FriendshipsNot Everyone Will Be Your Best Friend, and How To Attract Your Tribe. Shasta Nelson’s books are also a great resource. No matter what remember YOU ARE ENOUGH!!!

XoXo

Megan Hall