My husband and I celebrated our 7 year anniversary in December. I wish I could say that marriage has been easy or even fun. To be honest it’s been hard. Some days I want to walk away from it all. So why I am still married? Because the positive aspects are so amazing that they overshadow the negative aspects.
I had no idea what I was getting myself into when I married my husband. He’s a US Navy sailor and as much as he tried to prepare me for military life there’s no way of understanding until you’re in it. I also believed that being married would make all the bad in my life go away. As if marriage was a magical wand that could bippity boppity boo me whole and healed. It didn’t work like that and I was totally unprepared to be there for another human going through their own shit.
Over the years though I have learned a thing or two about marriage. In no way, shape, or form am I an expert. Marriage is so complex I may never fully understand it. There are a few things that I’ve seen tear my own relationship apart and those are things worth sharing. Maybe it will save you a few struggles too.
5 Things That could be tearing your relationship Apart
1) Dishonesty. Dishonesty of any kind whether seemingly insignificant or really big can poke holes in your marriage.
2) Expecting your spouse to be everything to you. Like be my best friend, my spouse, my therapist, my ATM, etc…. Fulfilling all the roles.
3) Putting their needs above your own. This seems counter intuitive but if you aren’t taking care of yourself you are giving them a second rate version of you.
4) Not having any independence. Not only does this go back to #3 but being around one person 24/7 is ALOT for anyone to handle.
5) Using them as your emotional dumping ground. Check out this episode of The Inspired Women Podcast.
Marriage can be such a wonderful experience. Having someone who is there to support you through the good times and the bad is magical. We can’t lose ourselves in the process of marriage though. That leads to resentment and each of us becoming half rate versions of ourselves. Is that really how we want to live our lives? I don’t. I want marriage to make me a better person.
Remember a relationship is a two way street. We cannot have a marriage without the other person putting in their effort as well. You are only in control of your actions, words, and reactions. The other person has to be in control of theirs as well. There can be hard times but there can be really amazing times too if both people are willing to put in the effort to make it work.
If you would like more resources on relationships check these articles out. How a Deployment Saved My Marriage, What Relationships Are Not, 5 Ways To Cultivate Positive Relationships & 5 Things Being A Military Spouse Taught Me About Relationships.
Remember you are amazing, you are beautiful, you are brave, & YOU ARE ENOUGH!!!!