Whew being a parent is hard. Even if you grew up with the best parents, which most of us didn’t, you still wonder if you are doing this parenting thing “right”. There is so much conflicting information out there on what to do that it’s really easy to get confused.
I didn’t grow up with the best examples of parenting. There were times I can say that my parents were really awesome but there were many times that not so much. I don’t want to have the effect on my kids that my parents did me. I want them to grow up saying “My mom was a good mom.” Are you feeling me on that?
The problem lies in all this information. Like the book that stated kids who come from a household that doesn’t have both their biological mom and dad can make things harder on them. Or the article that talks about how having a baby via c-section can mess up their gut microbiome. Those are MY KIDS, well two out of four are the first sentence and all four are the second.
It can be really easy to beat ourselves up over all the things we’ve done “wrong” versus focusing on all the things we’ve done right. Some of these things are out of our control like whether we have a c-section or not. Some of these things we could control but made the best decision we could like leaving an abusive relationship. All in all as long as we aren’t abusing our kids physically, mentally, or emotionally, we are all doing pretty damn good.
Here’s a few ways I work through my fear of messing up my kids:
- I ask myself ” Am I doing the best I can with the tools I have available?” If I say yes I release the fear, if I say no then I pivot and change what I am doing.
- I remind myself that I cannot go back and change the past but I can build a better future. Then I take that first step towards that better future.
- I apologize to my children when I mess up or for the mistakes I’ve made in the past. This shows them that adults are not perfect and we all make mistakes.
- I continuously learn about how to be a better parent but I take every bit of advice with a grain of salt. I identify what works best for my family and utilize it.
- I work on forgiving my parents for all they did wrong and focus on what they did right. I use what they did wrong as learning tools for what not to do with my kids. I try to do more of what they did right with my family.
Being a parent is messy. There is no “perfect” parent out there. Most of us are just doing the best we can with the tools we have available. The amazing thing is we can always learn new tools that will help us become better parents. Let’s drop the mom shaming and just support each other where we are at.
Every kid, family, parent, and situation is different. Do what is best for your family. You know what that is just trust your gut. This is coming from a foul mouthed, imperfect, loving, vibrant, mom of four. YOU GOT THIS MOMMA!
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