How to Heal From Emotional Hurt

How to Heal From Emotional Hurt, Megan Hall, Life coach, Motivational Speaker

We all experience hurts in our life times. Some hurts are physical and some hurts are emotional. The physical ones are a little easier to heal. We see a professional, they treat us, and if we play our cards right ta da they heal us. Emotional hurt is a little harder to heal. It’s often an invisible wound that we don’t always realize is there.

Many times other people can cause this emotional hurt. People who may not apologize or take ownership of their actions. People who may never give you the opportunity for closure. Even if someone was the cause of our emotional hurt it’s not up to them to heal it. Their apology or ownership of their actions may help but it’s not necessary. Don’t let their hurt effect your life for the rest of your life.

How to heal from emotional hurt

1) Identify the hurt and where it’s coming from

2) Feel and express how you are feeling. This can be to the person who hurt you if possible, a close friend or even a therapist (especially if this is a deep hurt).

3) Decide what steps you need to take to move forward. A therapist can also help with this piece as well. 

4) Create space between you and the person who caused this hurt if they continue to hurt you. Verbal/emotional abuse is real. 

5) Challenge the thoughts that this emotional hurt has caused. Ex: All ______ people are bad. I am not enough. I will never find love. Everyone who is _______ is like this. 

It’s important we don’t let this emotional hurt taint how we feel about a similar group of people. I personally have some emotional hurts from the Christian church. However that does not mean all Christians are bad or are going to hurt me like that. It can be really easy to project our feelings onto others instead of processing through them.

Emotional hurt comes in all shapes and sizes. It can be attached to very traumatic events or something minor. The deeper the hurt the longer it will take to heal. You may even need a professional to help you through the healing process. There is nothing wrong with this! Healing is an important part of our journey.

Remember YOU ARE BRAVE, YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL, YOU ARE WORTHY, & YOU ARE ENOUGH!!!

XoXo

Megan Hall

How to Break the Addiction to Our Phones

How to break our addiction to our phones, Megan Hall, Life coach, Motivational Speaker

One of the biggest places I find my clients struggle to create boundaries is around their phones. It’s so funny because 20 years ago having a mobile phone was a luxury not a necessity. Now everyone seems to have one and most people have a smart phone. That means we are always connected but not always connected to other other people.  We have an addiction to our phones.

Our technology can come between us and the people around us. Even though we have even more access to others we feel lonelier than ever.  Why is that? It’s because even though we are “connected” to the internet we are disconnected from human interactions.  When you go out in public you look around and see people looking at their phones instead of connecting with those around them.

How to break our addiction to our phones

1) Utilize the do not disturb mode function when you should be present with what you are doing. 

2) Set a curfew for your phone. At least 30 minutes before bed I shut my phone down. 

3) Create space between you and your phone. Put it in another room, leave it at home or in the car. 

4) Shut off all the unnecessary notifications on your phone. Do you really need to know Aunt Mary commented under that crazy cat video?

5) Don’t check your phone as soon as you get up in the morning. Instead try creating a morning routine. 

Our phones have created a lot of conveniences for us. Everything is at the tip of our fingers. We can get a hold of people at any point in time. Unfortunately that means they can get a hold of us too. It’s important we take the time to create some really solid boundaries around our technology. It might be uncomfortable at first but over time it will become easier and easier.

If you want more support in this area and many other areas of your life I encourage you to join The Inspired Women Membership Community. Remember YOU ARE BRAVE, YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL, YOU ARE WORTHY & YOU ARE ENOUGH!!!!

XoXo

Megan Hall

5 Things Every Parent Needs To Do

5 Things every parent needs to do, Megan Hall, Life Coach, Motivational Speaker

Let’s be honest parenting is tough. There are so many times I’ve been driving in my car by myself and thought I wonder how far I could get until they realize I’m gone. I know it sounds terrible but whoa it’s a lot of work to be a mom. There is no book that says “This is what every parent needs to do”. That’s because there is no one perfect way to parent but there is a lot of shitty ways to.

I’ve been a mom for over 15 years now. There are so many things I have learned along the way. I also know there are so many more things I need to learn. It is my belief that we are never done learning. Every child, year, and situation will teach us new and fascinating things. My kids are like little experiments… I always wonder what will happen next.

5 things every parent needs to do

1) Listen to your kids. It’s so easy with technology to only half listen or not listen at all but listening is where we pick up on all the things that might be going on. 

2) Teach your kids. Kids learn not by what we say but what we do. If you want kind, empathetic, open minded kids you have to show them that. 

3) Set boundaries with your kids. Just because they are your kids does not mean they own you and your space. 

4) Allow your kids to make up their own mind.  Whether it’s hug Uncle Fred or play the Oboe kids need to learn to trust their own intuition. 

5) Accept your children for who they are. Whether that’s gay, straight, bi, cis gender, trans gender, non gender, gender queer, creative, sporty, nerdy, techy, etc… Just love them for who they are. 

We all are just doing the best we can with what we have available. If you don’t think you are then it’s time to up your game. It’s our jobs as parents to raise our kids to be good human being not little assholes. It’s not our jobs to tell them who they are or need to be. As a kid expectations of me were a tad high and I lost myself trying to meet them. I don’t want that for my kids. I want them to discover their own little personalities and interests.

It’s important that we as parents take the best care of ourselves so we can show up 100% for our kids. It’s also important we teach our kids to care for themselves so when they are older they don’t struggle with self care or boundaries. We are their life teachers and if we want them to be awesome humans we have to be awesome humans. The most personal growth I’ve done has been since becoming a mom. No one expects you to be perfect but do the very best you can.

Remember YOU ARE BRAVE, YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL, YOU ARE WORTHY, & YOU ARE ENOUGH!!!

XoXo

Megan Hall

 

 

Top 3 Things That Will Help Any Relationship

Top 3 things that will help any relationship, Megan Hall, Life Coach, Motivational Speaker

Relationships can be tough. We are interacting with other imperfect humans who have their own thoughts, feelings, opinions and perceptions. So often the things that will help any relationship are the most are overlooked. We focus on trying to change the person instead of controlling our words and actions.

None of the things I am going to mention in this article are about changing the other person because that is something we cannot do. People have to decide to change on their own. It is however important we treat the people in our lives with respect, empathy, and kindness. Sometimes they are going through something we cannot understand.

Top 3 things that will help any relationship

1) Open and Honest Communication. 

  • Do this when you have calmed down.
  • Express how you are feeling without bashing the other person. I feel _______ because of ______.
  • Be willing to listen openly to what they have to say.

2) Giving as much, if not more, than you take. 

  • It’s not always 50/50 but you should not always be taking more than you give. 

3) Set and Respect Boundaries. 

  • Boundaries involve protecting our physical, mental, and emotional space/energy.
  • Just because someone is a part of your life does not mean they should be able to do what they want with you. Vice Versa is also true. 

Relationships are a two way street. We cannot expect others to do what we are unwilling to do ourselves. You will notice all the things I mentioned involve not just one person doing but both. If you are the only person putting forth an effort consistently it might be time to reevaluate your relationship. Sometimes it’s just a time in your life that this relationship is not serving you the way you need it to.

Relationships are messy. It can be painful when they end. Sometimes that ending is necessary. Other times all it would take is a little effort in the areas mentioned above to help get the relationship back on track. It’s up to you to determine if it’s worth the time and effort.  Just remember you can’t control other people.

If you need more guidance on the topic of relationships check out these articles or The Inspired Women Podcast5 things that could be tearing your relationship apart5 ways to cultivate positive relationships, & What relationships are not. Remember YOU ARE BRAVE, YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL, YOU ARE WORTHY & YOU ARE ENOUGH!!!

XoXo

Megan Hall

The Perks of Friendship

The perks of friendship, Megan Hall, Life Coach, Motivational speaker

I always say our significant others cannot be all the things to us. That’s a lot of pressure to put on one person. One of the perks of friendship is they don’t have to be. By having several close friends our friends can fulfill some of the emotional support we might need. Although don’t throw your spouse out the door they still have a place.

Quality friendships are imperative to our ability to be our best selves. I know it can be really scary to build and grow friendships. It opens us up to hurt but it also opens us up to love. Some friendships won’t work out. That’s ok because each one will teach us more about ourselves and other people. That’s one of the perks I am talking about.

The perks of friendship:

1) Someone to support you when shit hits the fan

2) Reduction in stress

3) Improved self worth & self confidence

4) Help extend your life. More Here

5) Decreased sense of isolation or lonliness

By building quality friendships we are setting ourselves up for success. Even if life seems to be going great right now without those friendships think about what will happen if adversity strikes. No one wants to think about losing a spouse or family member but who will be there if we do? Our friends will be there

There are many perks of friendship ranging from health to happiness and only a few are listed here. Friendship is so important that I’ve wrote several articles about it: Friendship is like datingWomen need healthy friendships, & 5 ways to cultivate positive relationships. The loneliest and hardest times of my life were when I lacked quality friendships. I deserve quality friendships and you do  too!

Remember YOU ARE BRAVE, YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL, YOU ARE WORTHY & YOU ARE ENOUGH!!!

XoXo

Megan Hall

 

How to Support Someone With Mental Illness

Mental Illness, Megan Hall, Life Coach. Motivational Speaker

Two weeks ago social media was in a stir over the death of two celebrities, Kate Spade & Anthony Bourdain, via suicide. During that week I saw some incredible support for those with mental illness. I also saw some very inconsiderate and ignorant comments about suicide and mental illness. Some of those comments even came from people in the wellness space. It’s as if mental wellness did not fit in the physical wellness space.

It’s hard to understand what it’s like to be in a place where suicide seems like the only option until you are there. I remember when I was younger thinking that suicide was selfish and that I could never do that. As I share in Suicide Awareness episode of The Inspired Women Podcast my first suicidal ideation came when I was 13 years old. Even after that I didn’t quite understand what brings someone to make that ultimate decision because I didn’t act on my ideation. It wasn’t until the time that I was acting on it that I could really understand.

How to support someone With Mental Illness

1) Check on them. Don’t just assume that because they seem ok that they are really ok.

2) Be a listening ear. You are most likely not a therapist so don’t try to diagnosis just listen. 

3) Encourage them to seek out a mental health professional. Diagnosis should come from a mental health professional not a friend or a primary care physician. 

4) Validate their feelings. Nothing is worse than having someone tell us that our feelings are invalid. 

5) Educate yourself. Learn more about signs of mental illness and suicide. Be a willing student. 

If you have never experiences mental illness or suicidal ideation it can be difficult to understand. It’s important we set aside our inherent biases and judgement so we can support those around us who are struggling. It’s not up to you to “save” someone with mental illness but it is important to support them. Each person has to make their own decisions when it comes to their mental health. When we are informed and supportive we can help with those decisions.

Just because someone may seem “happy” or “successful” that does not mean they aren’t struggling. Many of us have spent years learning how to fake being “ok”. That doesn’t mean the signs won’t be there just that we need to look a little closer to see them. Many times today’s society is too busy to see those signs. If you lose someone to suicide know it’s not your fault. It’s not that they didn’t love you or they thought you were awful. They were struggling and probably thought the world would be better off without them in it.

Remember YOU ARE BRAVE, YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL, YOU ARE AMAZING & YOU ARE ENOUGH!!!

XoXo

Megan Hall

If you want more information on the subject of suicide prevention please listen to Episode 73 of The Inspired Women Podcast.

Nothing Is Unforgivable

Forgiveness, Megan Hall, Life Coach, Motivational Speaker

You probably saw the title of this article and thought OH HELL NAW! Hear me out for a second. Forgiveness is not about the other person. It is not about forgetting or saying what someone did was ok. It’s not even about wishing them the best on their life’s endeavors. What it’s really about is you releasing the burden that you are carrying around and allowing yourself the opportunity to heal.

Every time we don’t forgive we add another brick on our backs. Over time this burden can be too heavy to bear. It can cause us emotional and mental pain. Instead of “getting back at” the person who hurt us we are only continuing to hurt ourselves. If anything we are allowing these people the opportunity to continue to hurt us for years after they are done.

How can we practice FORGIVENESS

1) Identify the hurt or wrong this person has committed

2) Feel the feelings that come up around this hurt

3) Try identify why the person may have done this

4) Think of the hurt and say “I love you, I’m sorry, Please Forgive Me, Thank you.” This is towards you not them 

5) Seek out a therapist if this wound is so deep that you cannot release it

One of the best ways I’ve found to help me heal besides therapy is empathy. That’s why #3 is so important. Having empathy does not mean we think what the person did was acceptable but we can now understand why they did it. For example with my ex fiance who abused me and shot off a gun in my house. When I looked at his childhood and how he was raised I can see where his hurt stems from. As a victim of abuse himself and growing up seeing his mom be abused as well he became a very hurt, confused individual. Instead of dealing with that hurt in a healthy manner he took it out on those around him… like me.

I have forgiven my ex for what he did for me. Does that mean I will allow him back into my life? Absolutely not. Does it erase what he did? HELL NAW! Is my anxiety around our daughter going to visit him diminished? NOPE! But instead of having hate fester inside of me and allowing me to weigh me down I am free of it. For years I allowed my fear and hate to control me but no more. Forgiveness does not mean you continue to allow someone to hurt you or be part of your life. Instead it means you are not going to carry them and that pain with you any longer. This is for you not for them.

Remember YOU ARE BRAVE, YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL, YOU ARE AMAZING, & YOU ARE ENOUGH!!!

XoXo

Megan Hall

 

Social Anxiety is Real

Social Anxiety is real, Megan Hall, Life Coach, Motivational Speaker

I know it’s hard for anyone who has met me to believe but I have social anxiety. What is social anxiety? Social anxiety is what it sounds like, it’s nervousness in social situations. Sometimes this is quite severe where people cannot even be in social situations without a full on panic attack. Other times people can function in social situations but those situations make them very anxious.

I have more moderate social anxiety. Most of my nervousness is more internal.  I can hold conversations and even speak publicly but my whole insides are a mess. When I was younger it was so much worse but now it’s only bad when I am around a lot of people who I don’t know. Through out the years there have been many things that help to minimize my social anxiety.

How I Manage My Social Anxiety

1) Saying no to attending things that I know I won’t feel comfortable at

2) Making sure I am in a good place emotionally when I attend social functions

3) Leaving early if I am starting to feel drained 

4) Taking a bathroom break or break outside for some deep breathing when I start to feel nervous

5) Minimizing my alcohol intake in uncomfortable social situation

Sometimes social anxiety requires therapy. Either way being really mindful of how we feel in social situations is very important. We can’t be afraid to say no or leave when we don’t feel comfortable. With social anxiety you may not always feel 100% comfortable so choose the situations that won’t drain you in five minutes. Maybe these are the things that you can make it two hours before you have to go home.

Don’t let this stop you from being social and making new friends or connections. Just make sure you have ample time to rejuvenate afterwards. Remember YOU ARE BRAVE, YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL, YOU ARE AMAZING, & YOU ARE ENOUGH!!!

XoXo

Megan Hall

Protecting Your Space

Protecting Your Space, Megan Hall, Life Coach, Motivational Speaker

As I drove my teenage daughter to school this morning her 6 & 8 year old sisters fought in the back of the van. I heard “No don’t do that.” followed by “Mom Lillian won’t stop putting sand on me.” Lillian’s rebuttal “I want to play with her.” I told her that  her sister said no and she needs to respect her boundaries. My son piped up ” What are boundaries?” To which I responded “Protecting your space.”

Really when we boil down to the core of what boundaries are it’s about protecting ourselves. My son even said this morning “I own my body.” Yes he does and that’s why he needs boundaries. You own your body too and that’s why you need boundaries. Of all the things in the world our bodies are the one thing we are guaranteed to own. No matter how hard societies try to take that ownership away from us it’s just not possible. Why? Because we are our bodies, our mind, our souls and we have the right to protect those things.

Protecting your space

1) Take ownership of you and your space. No one has ownership over that but you.

2) Be mindful of what doesn’t belong in your space or what words/actions make you feel like an invasion of your space. 

3) Do NOT let anyone try to coerce you into letting them invade that space. 

4) Respect other people’s space. 

5) Allow for the protection of that space to change over time. You might decide to tighten up security or loosen it up. 

I want you to be empowered to protect your space the same way I try to empower my children to. This is your space. It’s up to you to protect it fiercely. That means protecting mind, body, soul and everything in between. This morning we even had to talk about being that person I mention in #3. My darling Lillian tried to tell her sister “If you don’t let me do this you can’t be a part of my game.” That’s a big no no even on an adult level. Don’t let anyone try to convince you that your boundaries are not ok.

Protecting your space is one of the most powerful forms of self care. Hell it’s not just important for self care but self preservation. This is not about blocking people out but allowing the right people in at the right times. There is no one person out there who deserves 24 hour access to any part of you they want. Protect your space fiercely and unapologetic-ally. Remember you are brave, you are beautiful, you are amazing, and YOU ARE ENOUGH!!!

XoXo

Megan Hall

 

Preventing Groupthink

Preventing Groupthink, Megan Hall, Life Coach, Motivational Speaker

I like to think of groupthink as the sheep mentality. It’s kind of like the way sheep follow each other and do everything together. Can groupthink be a good thing? Yes when you are working as a team and everyone is able to come to a common solution that is helpful. Where it goes bad is when individuals don’t want to or don’t feel like they can or just don’t think for themselves. This is where the word conformity comes into play. Everyone conforming to the “norm” of the group.

Diversity is what makes the world go round. Without it we would not see creative thinking or be able to advance in our technology or expand our minds. Thinking, acting, and believing the same as everyone else puts us at a distinct disadvantage. Groupthink stunts our personal growth and  makes us cookie cutter versions of each other. How boring is that? To me that’s super boring. I love to see people thinking for themselves and not going along with the status quo.

preventing groupthink starts with us

1) Diversify the people you hang out with. Don’t just hang out with people who think, act, believe or look like you.

2) Listen to opposing views with an open mind. 

3) Get your information from a variety of places. Even try getting it from new places once in awhile. 

4) Have new experiences. New experiences = new people. 

5) Question everything. Don’t be afraid to place devils advocate. 

We really need to check our belief and opinions. Does everyone around us believe the same thing? Are we closed off to opposing views? Why do we even believe these things in the first place? I had a conversation with my husband about profanity that helps explain this. I believe words are only words. We decide what power they have by how we use them. The only reason some words are considered taboo is because someone somewhere made them that way. Back in the day ass meant donkey and bitch meant female dog.

The problem with groupthink is it prevents us from thinking outside the box. Instead of questioning everything we just go along with it. In extremes this is how Nazis and cults were formed. We must be willing to decide on our own how we feel about the world. That may mean being different than your best friend or your sister. That’s ok because that’s how change occurs. Remember you are brave, you are beautiful, you are amazing and YOU ARE ENOUGH!!!

XoXo

Megan Hall