3 Things We Need To Do Before Adversity Strikes

Adversity, Megan Hall

March 28th I received a call no mom wants to receive, it was my oldest daughters father telling me our daughter was in the hospital 600 miles from me. The next two and a half weeks were a whirlwind, every day it seemed something changed. I drove over 3,000 miles in that time finding myself in the end physically, mentally & emotionally exhausted.

There have been days since that call that I have thought “I don’t think I can take much more”  but then I do. It’s amazing how resilient a person can be when they have to be. There are so many things I attribute to my resilience but there are three main things that helped me hold it together.

3 Things We Need To Do Before Adversity Strikes

1) Create a solid support network. Several people we can turn to when shit hits the fan.

2) Develop and utilize a self are routine. That means taking care of yourself BEFORE adversity strikes as well as after. 

3) Work on personal development. That means continuing to learn an grown on a DAILY basis. Seek out a therapist and/or coach to help you. 

Without all the personal development, including many hours with my therapist, and a solid self care routine I would have been a wreck during those weeks of chaos. Even though my PD & self care became very inconsistent during those three weeks because of the constant changes that occurred. Because I had already built those habits they didn’t take as much effort to implement when I could.

We can’t do this on our own try as we might. We each are only capable of so much. That’s why my #1 tip is that support network. Without the people who offered their time, houses, and listening ears I would not have made it through. Those were all people I spent time building relationships with BEFORE this all happen. It’s important to spend time cultivating those relationships so that you aren’t all alone when shitty things happen.

We all have negative experiences in our lives. These three things will help you significantly when they do. Remember you are brave, you are strong, and YOU ARE ENOUGH!!!

XoXo

Megan Hall

Boundary Basics

Boundary Basics, Megan Hall, Life Coach, Motivational Speaker

You may or may not have heard the terms boundaries. A boundary is an often unspoken rule protecting your energetic space. Many boundaries almost seem like common sense ex: don’t grab a strangers ass. Other boundaries can vary person by person and situation by situation.  What may be acceptable to one person in one type of  situation may not be acceptable to another person.

Boundaries are necessary in order to maintain good physical, mental and emotional health. They come in all forms from physical boundaries to social media boundaries to boundaries around your time and everything in between. Many times we hesitate to set or maintain our boundaries because we are so scared of how others might react. It’s imperative that we do it anyways.

Here Are Some Boundary Basics

1) Ask yourself what actions/words are acceptable and not acceptable to you. 

2) Allow some variance in your boundaries depending on your relationship with someone. What’s acceptable for your spouse won’t always be for a stranger. 

3) Speak up when someone violates your boundaries. You can say “That was no ok. Please don’t do it again.”

4) Do not apologize for setting a boundary with someone. It’s your right to protect your space. 

5) Reevaluate your boundaries every once in awhile. As we change our boundaries can too. 

Boundaries are not a way to keep people out but are a way to protect ourselves. Think of this less like a wall and more like a fence with a gate. It is all about protecting our energetic space. How we go about this is up to us as individuals and not up to other people. Don’t let others dictate what your boundaries should or should not be.

If you want more information about boundaries tune into The Inspired Women Podcast or check out these articles on Creating Boundaries & What’s in Your Space. Remember you are brave, you are beautiful, you are amazing, and YOU ARE ENOUGH!!!!

XoXo

Megan Hall

 

5 Important Aspects of Positive Communication

5 Important Aspects of Positive Communication, Megan Hall, Life Coach, Motivational Speaker

Let’s be honest in today’s world positive communication is lacking. When we state our personal opinion we are opening ourselves up for an attack on our character. We seem to struggle to communicate effectively on and offline with other people with differing opinions. The thought process seems to be if you don’t agree with me you are the enemy. That’s simply not true.

Communication is a key factor to the success or failure of our relationships. Poor communication can cause relationships to fall apart. Many of the people we are in relationships with, from friends to clients to spouses to co workers, have different opinions than us. That’s ok and healthy even. How we handle those differing opinions is crucial.

5 important aspects of positive communication

1) Speak your opinion without bashing someone’s character. Ex: I think we need nationwide gun laws VS anyone who isn’t for nationwide gun laws are psychopaths.

2) Be willing to listen to someone else to actually hear them instead listening to trying to come up with a response.

3) Have an open mind. There’s no way to communicate with someone else if we aren’t open to hearing a differing opinion. 

4) Allow the other person an opportunity to speak. Communication is a two way street. 

5) Don’t feed into the negativity. If someone else isn’t willing to have an open conversation walk away or change the subject. 

Diversity is the spice of life. The world would be so boring if we all just agreed and went along with the status quo. That’s where groupthink starts. Nothing is accomplished with groupthink because there is no one to challenge the group. Diversity breeds innovation and creativity. It allows us to learn and grow.

Positive communication doesn’t have to be complex but it does take two people. We can only control our end of the conversation, we cannot control others. When someone challenges our opinions is makes us uncomfortable. Our first inclination might be to get defensive but in order to truly communicate we have to listen. Listening does not equal agreeing or even changing our opinion but being open minded to differing opinions.

The world needs more positive communication in it. The internet has given us this platform to sometimes say things we wouldn’t dare to say in person. We can’t assume to know someone’s intention without having a conversation with them. Let’s go forth with an open mind and a listening ear.

Remember you are brave, you are strong, you are beautiful, and YOU ARE ENOUGH!!!

XoXo

Megan Hall

 

 

5 Things That Could Be Tearing Your Relationship Apart

5 things that could be tearing your relationship apart, Megan Hall, Life Coach, Motivational Speaker

My husband and I celebrated our 7 year anniversary in December. I wish I could say that marriage has been easy or even fun.  To be honest it’s been hard. Some days I want to walk away from it all. So why I am still married? Because the positive aspects are so amazing that they overshadow the negative aspects.

I had no idea what I was getting myself into when I married my husband. He’s a US Navy sailor and as much as he tried to prepare me for military life there’s no way of understanding until you’re in it. I also believed that being married would make all the bad in my life go away. As if marriage was a magical wand that could bippity boppity boo me whole and healed. It didn’t work like that and I was totally unprepared to be there for another human going through their own shit.

Over the years though I have learned a thing or two about marriage. In no way, shape, or form am I an expert. Marriage is so complex I may never fully understand it. There are a few things that I’ve seen tear my own relationship apart and those are things worth sharing. Maybe it will save you a few struggles too.

5 Things That could be tearing your relationship Apart

1) Dishonesty. Dishonesty of any kind whether seemingly insignificant or really big can poke holes in your marriage. 

2) Expecting your spouse to be everything to you. Like be my best friend, my spouse, my therapist, my ATM, etc…. Fulfilling all the roles.

3) Putting their needs above your own. This seems counter intuitive but if you aren’t taking care of yourself you are giving them a second rate version of you.

4) Not having any independence. Not only does this go back to #3 but being around one person 24/7 is ALOT for anyone to handle. 

5) Using them as your emotional dumping ground. Check out this episode of The Inspired Women Podcast.  

Marriage can be such a wonderful experience. Having someone who is there to support you through the good times and the bad is magical. We can’t lose ourselves in the process of marriage though. That leads to resentment and each of us becoming half rate versions of ourselves. Is that really how we want to live our lives? I don’t.  I want marriage to make me a better person.

Remember a relationship is a two way street. We cannot have a marriage without the other person putting in their effort as well. You are only in control of your actions, words, and reactions.  The other person has to be in control of theirs as well. There can be hard times but there can be really amazing times too if both people are willing to put in the effort to make it work.

If you would like more resources on relationships check these articles out. How a Deployment Saved My MarriageWhat Relationships Are Not5 Ways To Cultivate Positive Relationships & 5 Things Being A Military Spouse Taught Me About Relationships.

Remember you are amazing, you are beautiful, you are brave, & YOU ARE ENOUGH!!!!

XoXo

Megan Hall

Friendship is Like Dating

Friendship is like dating, Megan Hall, Life Coach, Motivational Speaker

Let’s be honest making friends as an adult can be difficult and kind of awkward. It’s not as easy as going up to someone and saying ” Hey let’s be friends”. Although we all wish it was. Friendship is like dating. It’s kind of messy and takes time but when you find the right person it works out in the end. Unfortunately it also means you will end up with some heart ache too.

Last year I had this friend who I was super close to. We did everything together. We laughed, we cried, we shared our whole life stories, but then it started to fall apart. She started pulling away from me and shutting me out. It wasn’t one of those friendships that ended and you knew it ended. It was kind of like when a guy just stops returning your phone calls and avoids you out in public. He doesn’t officially break up with you so you don’t really know it’s over until you see him with someone else. Itwas like that but I didn’t know it was over until she deleted me off Facebook.

How Friendship is like dating

  • You don’t want to tell them your whole life story on your first date (hang out). Ease them into that mess.
  • It takes several dates before you’re in a relationship (friends). Consistent time together is so crucial here.
  • Opposites attract but having nothing in common makes things difficult. Don’t just look for people just like you.
  • You have to let them know the real you or it will never work out. Lack of transparency leads to distrust and drama.
  • Not every date will turn into a second date and you won’t marry (become BFFs) every person you date.

Good news is even though building friendship is like dating it’s not exactly like dating. You won’t have to choose only one BFF. You can date (build friendships with) several people at once. Everyone you are dating can hang out and it won’t be weird. There’s a lot of similarities between dating and friendships but there is a lot of differences too.

Not every friendship will lead to that best friend (marriage) and not every friendship will last (divorce) but we can enjoy the time we have with our friends in the meantime. It’s ok to decide after some time of spending with someone that you don’t click with them. Sometimes people change, you or them, and the relationship doesn’t survive that change. Even though it’s sometimes messy, hurtful, and difficult it’s completely worth it when you find your friends.

Remember you are beautiful, you are worthy, you are amazing, & YOU ARE ENOUGH!!!!

XoXo

Megan Hall

If you want more information on the topic of friendship check out these resources.

Blog Posts:  Women Need Healthy Friendships & Not Everyone Will Be Your Best Friend

The Inspired Women Podcast Episodes: Episode 9 FriendshipsEpisode 68 Friendships & You, & Episode 28 with Shasta Nelson

What’s in Your Space

What's in Your Space, Megan Hall, Life Coach, Motivational Speaker

This year I made a goal to be more mindful of what’s in my space. That means the people or things that are around me. I realized that there were many people/things that I allowed in my space that didn’t make me feel good. Yet I continued to allow them into my space but no more.  Have you ever thought about what’s in your space?

Things/people either give you energy, take away energy or do a little bit of both. Ever been around someone that when you left them you felt like all the energy was sucked out of you? Those are the kind of people/things I am no longer allowing in my space. I have to be protective of my energy and so do you. Being drained of energy is just no fun.

How You Can be mindful of what’s in your space:

1) Check in with yourself. What things/people leave you feeling emptied?

2) Ask yourself: How can put space between these things/people and myself?

3) Have a conversation if necessary/possible. “Hi _____. I value our relationship but lately spending time with you has been making me feel pretty bad. I would love to change this if possible if not we will have to stop spending so much time together.”

4) Take Action. Start minimizing interaction with these things/people immediately. 

5) Spend more time with those things/people that make you feel good. 

It is important we protect our energy. No one wants to go through life feeling drained or resentful. Sometimes genuine conversations can help and other times we have to accept this is the way certain people are. There are some people I won’t have a conversation with because I know that it will cause to much drama. Having a little interaction with people/things that drain us is important.

Keep in mind these people/things may not drain everyone’s energy. This is not a time to wage a full out war on them. Instead it’s a time to protect your energy by putting up boundaries between you and this person/thing. For me there was a group of individuals that I continually felt drained after leaving their presence. I realized they are not my people and that’s ok.

If you need any help with this topic feel free to check out my article on Creating Boundaries.

Remember you are brave, you are kind, you are beautiful, and YOU ARE ENOUGH!!!!

XoXo

Megan Hall

Don’t Lose Your Sh*t This Holiday Season

Don't Lose Your Sh*t This Holiday Season, Megan Hall, Life Coach

The holidays are upon us. This time of year can be both joyful and very stressful. I was at Whole Foods last weekend and saw the beginning of what I call “Holiday Anger”. This is when people get so stressed out around the holidays they take it out on other people. You know like randomly yelling at people in the parking lot at Whole Foods. Don’t become one of those people losing your sh*t this holiday season.

The last couple of years  I haven’t really felt  the holiday spirit. I dreaded all the shopping, cooking, and angry people. It wasn’t until this year while teaching my clients how to take ownership of their lives that I realized I can take back my holiday season. I don’t need to lose my sh*t and dread the holidays. Instead I could embrace them and feel that joy.

How Not To Lose Your Sh*T this holiday season

1) Identify the areas that bring you most stress when it comes to the holidays

2) Identify the areas that bring you most joy during the holidays

3) Ask yourself how you can minimize the stress and maximize the joy. Do less stressful things and more joyful ones.

4) Set boundaries with those around you 

5) Take good care of yourself because the holidays are emotional and you don’t want to be pouring from an empty cup

For me one of the things that brings me the most stress is holiday shopping. I despise the long lines and the angry people. So to minimize this I do all of my gift shopping online and I only go grocery shopping when I am energized. I make a list , go early and get out so I don’t take on other people’s negative energy. No black Friday shopping here. I minimize the stress by minimizing the stressful parts to my holiday shopping.

Being around family can be a stressful part of the holidays. A great way to minimize this is either do the holidays with your immediate family. That’s what I am doing this year. If you choose to be around extended family don’t engage in the negativity. If the conversation goes down a dark path change the subject or walk away. You don’t have to participate in negative nonsense.

Don’t be afraid to ask for help with the things that bring you most stress. Whether that means seeking a professional to work through the emotional stress or getting someone to help with the shopping.  You don’t have to do all the things by yourself. Don’t be afraid to say no and delegate somethings to other people. Free up sometime to do the joyful things. Take good care of yourself so you can enjoy the holiday season with a full cup instead of an empty one.

Remember as always YOU ARE ENOUGH!!!

XoXo

Megan Hall

Creating Boundaries

Creating Boundaries, Megan Hall, The Inspired Women Podcast

This past weekend I had the pleasure of hosting a Creating Boundaries workshop. Why is creating boundaries important?  90% of the distress, extreme stress and feelings of overwhelm we have can be traced back to unhealthy boundaries. What are boundaries? They are imaginary limits that you use to protect yourself physically, mentally, and emotionally.

There’s a difference between boundaries and defenses. Defenses are used to push people away or keep them at arms length. Boundaries on the other hand are there to protect you. For example a defense might be pushing your spouse away when they go to hug you because you are mad at them. A boundary however would be telling them “I don’t want to be intimate with you until we talk this out.” Your not try to push them away but you are protecting yourself emotionally by saying you need to talk.

There are three kinds of boundaries: Physical, energetic, and spiritual. Physical boundaries are all about protecting you physical body. For example: Telling a stranger who places their hand on your lower back “Please don’t touch me like that. We are not that close.”. Energetic boundaries are all the things that are not physical. For example: Telling your friend that you don’t want them sharing your personal business with other people. Spiritual boundaries are all around your belief system or lack there of. For example: A co worker asks you to go to church with them and you state “No thank you. I don’t attend church” but next week they ask you again.

creating boundaries for your life

1) Identify areas of your life that you are experiencing discomfort, extreme stress or feelings of overwhelm.

2) What is causing you to feel that way?

3) In those areas where are your boundaries being violated?

4) What do your boundaries need to be?

5) Do NOT allow others to continuously violate your boundaries.

Boundary errors occur when someone crosses your boundary accidentally or out of ignorance. A boundary violation occurs when someone disregards a boundary after they have been educated on it. If someone continuously violates your boundaries it’s unlikely they will stop. The first step in a boundary error/violation is to educate the person on your boundary, the second step is to create some kind of consequence for them, and the third step is if it continues you need to create space between you and the other person.

You have every right to create boundaries with other people. No one, even your significant other, has the right to violate your boundaries. By setting boundaries with other people you are also giving them permission to set boundaries with you. If someone cannot respect your boundaries it is time to let them go in order to protect  your physical, mentally, and emotional health.

If you would like more support around creating boundaries as well as other things in your life schedule a free 30 minute connection call with me to see how I can help. Remember YOU ARE ENOUGH!!!

XoXo

Megan Hall

 

 

We Can Only Change Ourselves

We Cannot Change Other People We can Only Change Ourselves, Megan Hall, The Inspired Women Podcast

Recently I had a group of people say they were going to “pray for me”. This was because I disagreed with them and they thought I should change my mind. My thought was “That’s not how that works.” We cannot change other people, we can only change ourselves. Every human being was gifted with free will and because of that other people cannot be changed.

That might be disheartening to read. Is there no hope? I am not saying that. People can on their own decide to change but we cannot make it happen either by prayer, words or force. They must make that decision on their own. Instead we each have to work on ourselves and through that may even influence their change. If something someone has said or done has caused us pain, hurt, or discomfort we need to ask ourselves why and heal.

I always tell my clients that we can only control our actions, our reactions, our thoughts, our words, and our feelings. Unfortunately there are many things out of our control like the weather, other people, or deployments (military spouse here). So if something is out of our control we must change our mindset around it not expect it to change for us. We can continue to allow that thing or person to bother and eat away at us or we can heal and move on. If we don’t we are only hurting ourselves in the process.

How can we change ourselves:

1) Identify what’s not serving you anymore. Whether this is thoughts, actions, words, relationships or situations. 

2) Ask yourself what can you do personally to change these things. Remember you can change your mindset or take an action personally. 

3) Identify why these things are not serving you anymore and how they got to this place. 

4) Ask what you need to do to avoid getting in similar situations in the future. 

5) Take your first step towards change. Start small and take it one step at a time. 

In order to make a change we must take ownership of our part of a situation. By placing the blame solely on other things or people we are doing ourselves a disservice. It’s like wanting to lose weight but blaming your weight gain on the company that makes your favorite, not so good for you, snack . Yes they made it but you ate it.  We have to take ownership in our part of our story.

Until we take ownership of our part in our lives it’s nearly impossible to change. When we place the blame solely on others and think we can change them we only do harm to ourselves .Instead of healing we marinate in the situation. Then it’s no longer the person or thing causing us pain, hurt or discomfort it’s ourselves.

Many times people think that they can force change by praying for it or posting on social media about it or continuing to speak to others about it. That won’t force change because we can’t control other people or even some situations. Then we aren’t being proactive in our actions to change ourselves either through growth or healing. This will only allow things to fester and compound making  what happened worse not better.

For the rest of my life I could marinate in the fact that I was verbally abused by my father as a teenager. I could pray that he would change and apologize for his behavior. Maybe I could post on social media condemning his behavior. I could speak to other people about how horrible he is. If I did that twenty years from now I would still be hurting. Instead I chose to heal, forgive, and move on. I’ve put him at arms length and don’t allow him to opportunity to inflict that kind pain onto me anymore.

Don’t allow other people or things to change your life. Only you should have that control. We cannot change other people, we can only change ourselves. Remember as always YOU ARE ENOUGH!!!

XoXo

Megan Hall

Variety Is The Spice Of Life

Variety is the spice of life, The Inspired Women Podcast, Megan Hall

One thing that adult women seem to struggle the most with is cultivating healthy friendships. When we become adults we lose our regular interactions with other people. As children we would have interactions with other children at school on a regular basis. Our friendships developed almost effortlessly out of that.

When I interviewed Shasta Nelson for The Inspired Women Podcast she shared many amazing tips on how to develop healthy friendships. One of the biggest thing that stuck out to me in that conversation and by reading her books is the importance of having a variety of friends. We need all levels of friendships not just best friends but acquaintances too.  According to Shasta there are five levels of friendship and they are all important in our lives. You can read more about that HERE.

What I Mean By A Variety of friends

1) Having friends that are similar to different aspects of your life. For me this would mean military spouse friends, mom friends, and entrepreneur friends.

2) Having friends who are also different. For me this would mean I might have a friend who is an entrepreneur but not a mom and/or military spouse or some other form. 

3) Having close friends and having some not so close friend. Those five levels of friendship are very important. We will only have 3-7 “best friends”. 

4) Accepting not all friends are forever friends and being ok with it. Friends are there for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. 

5) Continuing to make new friends as you go. We need to continue to add to our friendship circle. Some people will fall off and some people will come on. 

Friendship takes effort from both parties. It would be so much easier if we could just show up some place and ta da we have a new friend. Unfortunately it’s not that easy, it takes time, it takes effort, and it takes a certain level of vulnerability from both parties.

Why is important to have a variety of friends? Besides obviously allowing you to see other perspectives beside your own. Some days you might just want that person you can talk to that can understand your unique circumstances. Other days one friend might be going through something and you don’t want to bother them with your woes. Different friends fulfill different roles in our lives but they are
imperfect humans too. There will be times they aren’t available either emotionally or physically and that ok!

If you want to learn more on the topic of friendship you can read Women Need Healthy FriendshipsNot Everyone Will Be Your Best Friend, and How To Attract Your Tribe. Shasta Nelson’s books are also a great resource. No matter what remember YOU ARE ENOUGH!!!

XoXo

Megan Hall