Have you ever pushed down your feelings? Have you ever pretended like something didn’t happen? Avoiding our feelings does us no good. When we avoid them they manifest in other ways. That’s often worse than what would happen if we just process our feelings in the first place. Unfortunately there is no way around it. You need to feel your feelings.
When we don’t process through our feelings we create baggage. I liken this to have a closet in your brain. Every time you don’t process through something it goes in that closet. Then some day something is going to open that closet and it will all come tumbling out. Have you ever argued with someone and mid argument they start bringing up everything from the past? This is because their closet was opened.
How can you feel your feelings?
1) Identify the emotion or emotions you are feeling. Is this anger, sadness, guilt, shame, regret, etc… ?
2) Ask yourself WHY you are feeling this way. Where did these emotions stem from?
3) Feel your feelings. Cry, scream, punch a punching bag… do what you need to in order to feel those feelings in a healthy way.
4) Take ownership in your part in this. What steps do you need to take to rectify the situation?
5) Heal. That might take therapy, it might take journaling, it might take talking it out, and it’s probably going to take some forgiveness, but you need to do what it takes to heal.
Feelings are scary. No one wants to feel grief or sadness or shame but it’s a part of life. Life is not perfect and sometimes bad things happen. If we don’t allow ourselves to feel the “negative” emotions we block out the “positive” emotions too. Have you ever had like a really good cry then later that felt complete joy? If those sad emotions were still hanging around unexpressed you wouldn’t have felt that immense joy that you did.
Holding onto feelings is detrimental to our health, our relationships, and our self esteem. Don’t let something eat away at you for 20 years or even 20 days. Doing that will prevent you from truly experiencing life to it’s fullest. I sure wouldn’t want to see what 20 years of shame manifests as. It would not be very pretty that’s for sure.
It’s ok and healthy to feel your feelings. You can start today. Remember as always YOU ARE ENOUGH!!!