If there is one thing I have struggled with most of my life it has been friendships. I am one of those people who always wants everyone to be my best friend. Of course not everyone does become my best friend but those that do I’ve always expected to stay that way. The expectations were too high.
I’m always devastated when friendships end or change. My thought process on friendships was always severely flawed. I didn’t start to work on that thought process until several years ago when my counselor pointed it out. She explained I wanted everyone to fit into my “friendship box” but not everyone could or could be expected to.
She said instead to think about relationships as a target. The bulls eye is the people you are super close to and can share everything with … the “best friends”. The next ring are people you are close to and enjoy their company but maybe you don’t share everything with. The ring after would be people you enjoy their company in small doses but don’t share anything personal with. So on and so forth until you reach the outer ring which is people you want nothing to do with.
I started to realize that maybe it’s alright not everyone was my best friend but I still struggled with friendships ending or changing. When they did I would start playing the blame game. Maybe I could have done something better or maybe they should have. It just made me so miserable.
A good friend said to me once some people are meant to be in your life for a moment, for a season, or for a lifetime. Not everyone is meant to be around for a lifetime. People will come and go. That doesn’t have to be a bad thing. Every relationship will teach us something different. Instead of mourning the loss of a relationship we need to be thankful for all we received from it.
Not everyone will be our best friend. Heck not everyone will even like us. We can have different layers of friendships. Some people will be the best friends, some people will be the people you enjoy hanging out with on occasion, and then there will be friends in between. We will just make ourselves miserable trying to get people to fit into our “friendship box”.
Five things I’ve learned about friendships are:
- Not Every Friendship Will Be The Same
- Not All Friendships Will Last
- Not Everyone Will Be Our Best Friends
- Not Everyone Will Like Us
- Not a Single Friendship is Perfect
If you are struggling with cultivating friendships check out my blog post on How to Attract Your Tribe.. Another great resource for friendships is the book Frientimacy. Like any relationship friendships take work.
Remember YOU ARE ENOUGH!!!