We all face adversity in our lives. No one is immune to it. No one has a perfect life. If we all are experiencing adversity then how do some people move past it quicker than others? The answer is resiliency. Those people who are more resilient will overcome struggles and adversity with greater ease than other people.
Resilient is often a term used for military spouses because our life is filled with adversity and struggle. Things that would normally knock people on their ass for days are part of our norm. That’s not saying that all military spouses are resilient or that their aren’t people out there who experience more adversity or struggles. I share that to show that resiliency is like a muscle and like any other muscle the more you use it the stronger it gets.
Before becoming a military spouse I had my own fair share of adversity. Some of those things left me empty and on the edge of completely giving up. When I left my abusive relationship in 2010 I had literally nothing; no self esteem, no car, no license, no place to live, NOTHING except two daughters to care for. I wanted to end it all, it was not the first or the last time I had this thought, but being a parent to my two daughters was greater than my want to end it all. Adversity on multiple occasions had chopped me off at the knees and made me not want to live anymore.
Since the last time I contemplated suicide I have faced some adversity that would have previously left me rocking in a corner with a straight jacket on if I didn’t end my life first. So how did I build up this resiliency? There’s a couple of things that have helped.
- I learned to take care of myself. I mean really take care of myself, make sure that my body, mind, and soul were functioning well so when adversity hit I wasn’t already at half capacity.
- I focused on what I could do instead of marinating in what I couldn’t do. Control the controllable, we can’t change the past but we can build a better future.
- I continued learning and growing. I worked with a counselor, and several coaches to help me be the best version I could be. I read and listened to information so I could strengthen my mind.
- I leaned on people around me. I had hard conversations. I let people in because we can’t do this all alone ESPECIALLY during times of adversity.
- I went through it. I didn’t run away from adversity, I experienced it. I felt everything I had been through. I forgave and I learned.
I am not saying when you experience adversity after doing all of that you will just bounce right through it. It will hurt, it will make you sad, and it will kick you in the teeth. You, however, are stronger than any adversity you can face. Take away the lesson you can learn from your adversity and continue to grow and strengthen.
This is your life. You have the steering wheel. There might be rough roads, no roads, and broken roads. You determine how you will deal with each of those. Will you allow one moment of your life to effect the rest of your life? Or will you decide to say “Not today Satan.” and move forward. Always ask yourself “What can I do about this?” You can either take an action or change your mindset there is no “I can do nothing.”
Always remember YOU ARE ENOUGH! This life can be tough but it’s yours to live.
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